Straight forward here.
Yes I cut.
Yes I have Bi-Polar Disorder.
Yes I have many problems.
Yes I hate my life.
Yes I was suicidal
Yes I want to hurt people, who anger me.
Yes I never want to live with my mom.
Yes I would live wiht my Dad.
Yes my parents are getting divorced.
Yes my mom is an alchohalic.
Yes my mom smokes.(cigarettes)
Yes my mom cut her self before.
Yes my mom is messed up.
Yes my mom is having an affair with my dad.
Yes my dad is annoying at some points.
Yes i love my dad.
Yes my dad believes in God.
Yes my dad loves me.
Yes my dad loves and cares for my mom.
Yes my mom says "we don't care or love her"
Yes my dad is the only adult i trust.
Yes I have trust issues.
Yes my mom is not the greatest.
Yes my mom made me meet the guy she's having an affair with.
Yes I hated it.Yes I do want my parent's to get divorced, beccause I hate seeing my dad suffer.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes..
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Love <3
I love you.
Robbie W. Johnston is my life :]
He makes me smile, he makes me life.
His personality is everything I could ask :]
He's had some hard times, recently ..
I know everything there is to know about him.
He knows everything about me.
Our relationship is full of life and happiness[:
No secrets between us, we are 100% honest with each other, and I love it :]
I got back off of my feet from being killed by the break-up of my ex and I ..
'but, Robbie is the only reason for that :]
iloveyou<3
Foreer and Always :]
Robbie W. Johnston is my life :]
He makes me smile, he makes me life.
His personality is everything I could ask :]
He's had some hard times, recently ..
I know everything there is to know about him.
He knows everything about me.
Our relationship is full of life and happiness[:
No secrets between us, we are 100% honest with each other, and I love it :]
I got back off of my feet from being killed by the break-up of my ex and I ..
'but, Robbie is the only reason for that :]
iloveyou<3
Foreer and Always :]
Monday, August 3, 2009
On the road to recovery
These weeks I am trying to recover from everything that has happend...
Just trying to "re-start" my life...
Cut everyting out of my life that doesnt help me in anyway ...
My life will be better once these things are fixed..
My cries for help are going to stop.
This is the Life I am working for.
Happiness.
Love.
Compassion.
Gentleness.
Self Control!.
Peace.
Patience.
Faith.
Kindness.
I know there are still going to be bumps in this road but i just have to stay confident...
Confidence is Key!
Just trying to "re-start" my life...
Cut everyting out of my life that doesnt help me in anyway ...
My life will be better once these things are fixed..
My cries for help are going to stop.
This is the Life I am working for.
Happiness.
Love.
Compassion.
Gentleness.
Self Control!.
Peace.
Patience.
Faith.
Kindness.
I know there are still going to be bumps in this road but i just have to stay confident...
Confidence is Key!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Lost once again
I don't know where I am.
What has happend to us.
I am confused.
What do I do?
I need help.. I cant take it..
Can someone take me and talk to me just as a friend and help me?
I am sorry..
How could I screw my life up so bad..
What can i do? Please, Oh Please someone help me!
I can't take it anymore!!
I want this life to be over..
Now I am really confused why i can't deal with it..
Again i plead no i beg on my knees:
Please oh please help me..
What has happend to us.
I am confused.
What do I do?
I need help.. I cant take it..
Can someone take me and talk to me just as a friend and help me?
I am sorry..
How could I screw my life up so bad..
What can i do? Please, Oh Please someone help me!
I can't take it anymore!!
I want this life to be over..
Now I am really confused why i can't deal with it..
Again i plead no i beg on my knees:
Please oh please help me..
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Memories
Sometimes I wonder in my head what will happen, what did happen and ,what is going on right now? Have you ever wondered if your life is going to end today or will it end tomorrow or did it all ready end?
I don't remember what happend but all that I know is that I don't want that to happen again.
Sometimes I wonder why and how did I forget what I forgot.
Where are you I am wondering where you are. Have you ever wondered like this these things? I know I do my life is filled with things like these.
Most of the time I don't remember other things that are good.
All the good memories my friends and family say to me and ask don't you remeber that? I shake my head and say sorry I don't.
The only memories I can remember now are all the bad ones all the ones that caused this family pain and the paain they caused me.
There is only one memory I can remember and that memory is good.
Whenever I have a good time the next day when the good day is over I feel like that good day was never there. Thats what i don't like is that my memory is only so young yet i can not comprehend that fantastic day. Can you remember the good memories?
I don't remember what happend but all that I know is that I don't want that to happen again.
Sometimes I wonder why and how did I forget what I forgot.
Where are you I am wondering where you are. Have you ever wondered like this these things? I know I do my life is filled with things like these.
Most of the time I don't remember other things that are good.
All the good memories my friends and family say to me and ask don't you remeber that? I shake my head and say sorry I don't.
The only memories I can remember now are all the bad ones all the ones that caused this family pain and the paain they caused me.
There is only one memory I can remember and that memory is good.
Whenever I have a good time the next day when the good day is over I feel like that good day was never there. Thats what i don't like is that my memory is only so young yet i can not comprehend that fantastic day. Can you remember the good memories?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The God Squad~~~~
This a link to the wooster grace students home page down below you see a paragraph that is labeled The God Squad now read that then go to the link and whatch the video but when you get to the website click Blog then click visit blog then whatch the video try to guess where I am!!!
www.woostergracestudents.org
The God Squad
Preface by Ben Framstad; Post by Pam Leonard
Did you know that Wooster Grace Brethren Church has a puppet ministry team? The God Squad is an actively involved ministry that travels domestically to reach people for Jesus through the medium of puppets, drama, and music. Lately, they've done a lot. We asked Pam Leonard, founder and leader of The God Squad to share a few thoughts from their ministry this past fall and Christmas.Our first program was for fall fun fest.We did a 15 min. program in the middle school room. I was glad we got the middle school room, because, usually, we are so crowded. People were standing in the hallway trying to see the program. Next year we will have a longer program.Christmas is my favorite time with the kids on the team. We have such fun programs.This year we did a lot of new things. We did our first black light painting, and it was well received. In addition to that, we were challenged by Nick to do a black light hand performance.This took a lot of time and creativity by the team (see video above). We even took suggestions from some of the parents who watch us practice every week. I think getting imput from a lot of different people gave the God Squad a lot of success. I figure we can only get better from here on out.Our first performance for Christmas was at the Haven of Rest in Akron. It is the best audience in the world! The crowd is a mix of people and children from the inner city and those staying at the Haven. We have gone up to the Haven for four years in a row, and it is a wonderful ministry. It is such an honor for our team to be invited back.The next program was for Mountain Vision. The God Squad has helped deliver toys, food, clothing and the Gospel. I said the Gospel last, not because the other things are more important, but because it is really hard to share the Love of Christ without SHOWING it first.We had a scare this year. One of our Vans got separated from the other on the way down to Rosedale, WV. It was M.I.A. for two of the longest hours of my life. I called the Sheriff office - no accidents reported. I was just getting ready to call Nick at 2:00am and tell him half the students and four adults were missing. Then the van arrived. You see, in WV there is no cell phone reception; not even a little. The roads are narrow and the deer run along the side of your car, so there is a lot to watch for when you drive down to Rosedale. When all the kids filed into the church the next morning for their presents, cookies and the Gospel, I realized it was so worth the drive and the risk.I once had a missionary tell me, "Where ever you are, if you are in the Holy Spirit's will for your life, you will be protected." I should have remembered that when the van came up missing. I'm so glad that God is so merciful and kind and that He first loved us. It makes it so easy to love others no matter where they come from.Thanks for all the support of the Church. The God Squad is 10 years old.
by: Pam Leonnard Puppet Director
Video includes eight people : Joy kantenwine, Jenae Kantenwine, Helena Falk, Nathan Firestone,Allison Steiner, Noah ???, Naomi Fetzer, and Alexis Kraft!
Enjoy the Video hope you like it!!!!!! ~~
www.woostergracestudents.org
The God Squad
Preface by Ben Framstad; Post by Pam Leonard
Did you know that Wooster Grace Brethren Church has a puppet ministry team? The God Squad is an actively involved ministry that travels domestically to reach people for Jesus through the medium of puppets, drama, and music. Lately, they've done a lot. We asked Pam Leonard, founder and leader of The God Squad to share a few thoughts from their ministry this past fall and Christmas.Our first program was for fall fun fest.We did a 15 min. program in the middle school room. I was glad we got the middle school room, because, usually, we are so crowded. People were standing in the hallway trying to see the program. Next year we will have a longer program.Christmas is my favorite time with the kids on the team. We have such fun programs.This year we did a lot of new things. We did our first black light painting, and it was well received. In addition to that, we were challenged by Nick to do a black light hand performance.This took a lot of time and creativity by the team (see video above). We even took suggestions from some of the parents who watch us practice every week. I think getting imput from a lot of different people gave the God Squad a lot of success. I figure we can only get better from here on out.Our first performance for Christmas was at the Haven of Rest in Akron. It is the best audience in the world! The crowd is a mix of people and children from the inner city and those staying at the Haven. We have gone up to the Haven for four years in a row, and it is a wonderful ministry. It is such an honor for our team to be invited back.The next program was for Mountain Vision. The God Squad has helped deliver toys, food, clothing and the Gospel. I said the Gospel last, not because the other things are more important, but because it is really hard to share the Love of Christ without SHOWING it first.We had a scare this year. One of our Vans got separated from the other on the way down to Rosedale, WV. It was M.I.A. for two of the longest hours of my life. I called the Sheriff office - no accidents reported. I was just getting ready to call Nick at 2:00am and tell him half the students and four adults were missing. Then the van arrived. You see, in WV there is no cell phone reception; not even a little. The roads are narrow and the deer run along the side of your car, so there is a lot to watch for when you drive down to Rosedale. When all the kids filed into the church the next morning for their presents, cookies and the Gospel, I realized it was so worth the drive and the risk.I once had a missionary tell me, "Where ever you are, if you are in the Holy Spirit's will for your life, you will be protected." I should have remembered that when the van came up missing. I'm so glad that God is so merciful and kind and that He first loved us. It makes it so easy to love others no matter where they come from.Thanks for all the support of the Church. The God Squad is 10 years old.
by: Pam Leonnard Puppet Director
Video includes eight people : Joy kantenwine, Jenae Kantenwine, Helena Falk, Nathan Firestone,Allison Steiner, Noah ???, Naomi Fetzer, and Alexis Kraft!
Enjoy the Video hope you like it!!!!!! ~~
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Suicidal
Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
know that is a random question but just wondering!
I know i have just today i tried to kill myself by freezing myself!
I covered up my body with snow and put so much snow over my head that you couldnt see me. I stayed like that for around 5minutes i could feel death over taking i couldnt move my fingures. As the cold snow started to take over my body my breathing was heavy thats when i knew that death was taking over my body!!
I wonder what would happen.I wondered if anyone was going to find me or realize that i was gone!! Just as I was wondering those things my next door neighber saw me laying there and knokked at the door my parents answeredand thanked so ever much they ran out to get me as i was slowly taken inside I saw my whole life lash before my eyes !
leave me a comment!
know that is a random question but just wondering!
I know i have just today i tried to kill myself by freezing myself!
I covered up my body with snow and put so much snow over my head that you couldnt see me. I stayed like that for around 5minutes i could feel death over taking i couldnt move my fingures. As the cold snow started to take over my body my breathing was heavy thats when i knew that death was taking over my body!!
I wonder what would happen.I wondered if anyone was going to find me or realize that i was gone!! Just as I was wondering those things my next door neighber saw me laying there and knokked at the door my parents answeredand thanked so ever much they ran out to get me as i was slowly taken inside I saw my whole life lash before my eyes !
leave me a comment!
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